What Do People Say, When You Tell Them You're an Astronomer? F. A. Ringwald Original version of an article published in Mercury, vol. 27, no. 5, 31 (1998 September/October issue). Both professional and amateur astronomers face this situation a lot. It may help to examine some common questions: 1) "Oh, so you're an astrologer---ahem! I mean *astronomer*!" They turn beet red, and that's that. They often turn out to be fine folks, really... 2) "Would you cast a horoscope for me [for free]?" Back when I worked at a planetarium and had to be PR-conscious, I'd smile and politely correct them. Then when I went to grad school, I'd get very upset---the low pay made doing this, and charging for it, all too tempting. Since getting my Ph.D., I have to act professionally, so I politely correct them again: "That's *astronomer*, not astrologer..." 3) "Do you believe in UFOs?" This is of course never "Do you think UFOs are extraterrestrial spacecraft?" Everyone assumes they are. These have become common in recent years, because of popular fiction. Usually they're just jokes. Sometimes they're really silly, indicating people I can't help. Sometimes, they turn into genuinely interesting conversations about UFOs. I steadfastly maintain there has never been any *clear*, *convincing* evidence for UFOs as anything but a psychological phenomenon, although an interesting one. No one reports seeing fire-breathing dragons anymore, but they used to. I'd accept as proof something so clear you'd be silly not to see it. How about a UFO landing at the World Series, seen by thousands and photographed by hundreds? After all, in 1989, the World Series did experience another rare phenomenon, an earthquake. Even more convincing would be a formal opening of diplomatic ties, at the U.N. or the White House. Less convincing would be an appearance on television: they do that every week on Star Trek. Acceptable would be archeologists unearthing a flying car or a truly intelligent computer---or even just some highly refined metal or plastic, with an isotopic composition showing it wasn't from Earth. When accused of being "unscientific" in being so skeptical, I say "No, I'm being perfectly scientific. I have examined the evidence carefully, and have found it wanting." 4) "Do you think there's life on Mars? And is *that rock* really from Mars?" The SNC (pronounced "snick") meteorites really are from Mars. We know from the gases trapped in them. The argon matches that in the Martian atmosphere, and the oxygen isotopes match anything that's as far from the Sun as Mars. This is old stuff, done in 1982. I think the jury is still out on whether there's life on Mars. Besides, I'm just as intrigued by Europa. 5) "Do you think there's life elsewhere in the Universe?" I surprise people when I answer "Of course there is." But then I quickly add, "But we still have no proof of this." It helps to have a deep, wide-field image handy, to show them all the clusters of galaxies...not galaxies, mind you, clusters of galaxies. Whenever I look at such an image, I wonder how many eyes are looking back. 6) "Have they really detected planets around other stars?" People love extra-solar planet detection. They're sometimes initially skeptical that it can be done at all. They may have heard about the difficulties, and the false detections in years past. (The controversy over 51 Pegasi doesn't change the situation with the pulsar planets, nor with the planets in elliptical orbits.) They understand surprisingly well when I explain it's indirect detection. I tell them that astronomers have detected the motion of the star, as it's pulled around by the planet's gravity, and they get it. I do not frighten them by saying "radial velocity" without a good reason, e.g., I'm talking to a physicist. 7) "Do you believe in the Big Bang? My religion says it never happened." I shy away from religious discussions, especially in a social setting. These people are often easy to offend and impossible to convince. Still, if cornered, it's amazing what lengths I'll go to to protect science and reason. Secular assertions that the Big Bang never happened are often not dissimilar. I'll welcome thoughtful debates with people who know well what they're criticizing. If they don't know the first thing about the observations or the theory, though, I think about the many better things I could be doing. 8) "Astronomy is such a useless waste! Why should we spend any money at all on it?" This is actually uncommon, even in hard economic times. People are interested in astronomy. I don't let this worry me unduly, since the person who gave me the hardest time about it also couldn't read after graduating from high school. If ever there was a human activity that has proved its worth, it's science, and the more abstruse, the more important the results---sooner or later, and often, sooner. 9) "I couldn't see Halley's comet at all! What's the deal here?" My answer is a sincere "Well, *I* saw it---it was GREAT!" These are getting less common as Halley's fades into history, especially after Hyakutake. It didn't take a dark sky to see why, in the old days, the peasants would get out the pitchforks and torches. Comet Hale-Bopp was around long enough that only the truly weather-beaten could have missed it. It's not like it wasn't well publicized, either. Still, all too often, some other wonderful event goes unappreciated, such as the Perseids, or the Green Flash, or Halley's comet. I could get lynched for it, but my answer is usually the same. 10) "Is that Hubble [Space Telescope] really working now?" I am not good at concealing my pleasure when asked this. If I have some images onhand, I say "Well, see for yourself. It's rare to get astronomical images *this* detailed!" 11) "Can you really see anything from this [light polluted] site?" As with Hubble, it's best just to show them. Saturn and the Moon work particularly well. 12) "Can you see where the astronauts landed on the Moon?" Yes, and so can you by looking at the Moon. But our view isn't sharp enough to see anything the astronauts left behind. You certainly can't see the flags: you're looking right down the flagpoles. 13) "Are amateur astronomers really helpful to professional astronomers?" My answer is "YES!!!" (Especially in my field, variable stars.) 14) "An astronomer? Really? What's your field?" I say "Cataclysmic variable stars---stars that have outbursts." I then add something about novae, and about black holes, and about stars that eat each other, and they say "Cool!" 15) Some really good question about the science, history, aesthetics, or lore of astronomy. People are smarter than you think. When I'm in unfamiliar surroundings, and am asked what I do, I usually say "I'm a scientist," first. This helps to reduce the bizarre questions. Then when asked "What field?" I say "astronomy," and people light right up. I *never* say *astrophysics*! People will literally jump up and run away if you do that. -------- The author is on the faculty at Florida Institute of Technology. He thanks his amateur astronomer friend Bill Kramer for reminding him of several questions.