Home -- My Music -- My Poems -- Music Matinee -- My CDs For Sale -- Tribute to Dad -- Robin Williams -- My Blog -- Email Me!
My father was one of the most important people in my entire life. There was no one like him so I wanted to dedicate a memorial to him on this particular page. For those who have experienced loss, there isn't much you can do except remember the good times and carry that person's spirit in your heart. I've been doing that since the day I lost my father to a heart attack in 1989. I hope all the net people can appreciate me doing this. I'm mainly putting this here for people who have lost a loved one, and also so I can remind myself of the goodness in this man. I hope that I can help reflect some feelings that you may have as well about someone who you held close to your heart. Dad meant the world to my mother and I. So, this one's for you Dad.
I've often found that sharing in the pain can sometimes be as healing as getting a good laugh out of a joke that my father would've played on me had he been around today. God I miss him! I still can't seem to explain what losing someone does to you. When I look back to 1989, I couldn't even tell you how I graduated from high school after that. I was a sophomore in high school when my father passed away and I swear I felt my sanity slip away. The human mind is fascinating in that way because I really don't remember a whole lot during the time frame of my father's sudden passing and the funeral. It was like traveling through a thick fog. You remember everything before and after....but somewhere in the middle, it was kind of hazy. I think that is our own way of protecting ourselves from remembering something that is so unbearable.
In a lot of ways though, I am thankful for that "haze" because there is a lot that I didn't want to remember. Only good things. My first part of the healing process when my dad died was to TRY and pretend that I could somehow get through things without him around. It is very common to think, "What is the point of going on without my mentor? Why not just end it all right now!!!" But there really wasn't much reason to be suicidal when my mom would be left alone with both my father and I being gone. So common sense started to kick in. I HAD to get in touch with enough emotions to be able to put my father behind, yet NEVER forget him. It's really an impossible thing to do when you love someone so much that you just can't live without them. That is when it comes down to what I believe. You can't fight fate. I racked my head against the wall many times because I never felt that I got to say what I wanted to say before my dad died. And you CAN'T let yourself play that game. What is done is done. You can't change it, and there is nothing you can do to reconcile it except to find some peace within yourself.
I really thought that things would be better off if I could somehow forget my father completely. Then I figured why would I want to do that? If he means so damn much to me, why should I forget him. A lot of him is in me and that is what I need to carry on. So what I would like people to know is don't find yourself forgetting someone that you cared so much for. Carry on their spirit and remember them always. Don't put them completely behind you. I figure that we will ALL be together when our time is up. It's just so hard trying to get to that point.
My Dad has been gone for 7 years now and I still can't comprehend it. I still remember just hanging out with him and talking about absolutely nothing. That is always the greatest isn't it? Having a conversation with your father about absolutely nothing. I found that to be the most enjoyable when my dad and I both had a lot ot say, but it all meant NOTHING. Just being together was all that really mattered to both of us. He was a like a BEST FRIEND to me more than a father and I'll miss that. But I hold him each day in my heart and look forward to seeing him when it's my time to call it quits!
I'd like to share a quote that my Dad used to always tell me that I still tell others that cross my path. It is about people that always have a tendency to dump their personal problems on others. This is what my Dad used to say about them:
"Everybody in this world carries a bucket. And in that bucket is all of the everyday problems that each of us carry. When someone decides to unload their bucket into yours, you have too much of a load to carry and your bucket will overflow. BUT, if everyone keeps the same amount in each of their buckets and doesn't dump it into others, we will all have the same amount to deal with in our lives."
You can take that and do what you want with it, but I always remembered that funny statement. It could be taken in so many different ways but to me, it just reminds me of a good man that meant the world to me. And I would've carried his bucket to the far ends of the universe if he was still around to make me laugh :-)
I LOVE YOU DAD! I'LL SEE YA WHEN I SEE YA.....IN THE SPIRIT :-).....
Thanks for visiting..........Rob Bartsch